This week has been a tough one for yours truly. The job that I thought was perfect for me (and I mean P-E-R-F-E-C-T. We’re talking money, location, pride) wasn’t meant for me after all, and I’ve spent the last few days crying, raging, and, when I’m on my game, praising whatever this new, better chapter may hold for me.
The truth is that I could have stayed in bed from the moment I got the “Thanks, but No, Thanks” email. It was so tempting to crawl into that warm, safe space and hide from the disappointment, embarrassment, and pain. But every time I started playing the self-pity and self-abuse mixed tape titled “Failure” in my head, there was a stronger part of my psyche/soul that immediately put up a wall to these self-defeating thoughts. Because I’m not a failure; I’m a badass.
I don’t say that because I’m perfect. Obviously, I’m far from it. But to tip my hat to Tina Fey’s new amazing showing on Netflix, I’m UNBREAKABLE (<– watch it. You won’t be disappointed). I could give up and say, “Well, my dream job didn’t pan out, so I’m just not going to do anything remotely ambitious ever again and then I won’t ever experience this kind of pain again,” but I come from heartier stock than that.
So every morning when my alarm goes off, I get up. I shower. I get dressed. I dry my hair and put my makeup on. I enjoy my coffee and devotional, remembering Who made me and Who loves me, and Who won’t let me fall too far without a reason. Unlike ten years ago when a disappointment like this would have rocked me for not just days but months and maybe longer, I have cultivated resilience through faith and awareness, part of which includes the self-knowledge that what I look like DOES affect how I feel, so I better GET DRESSED and PUT MAKEUP ON, because otherwise it is just too tempting to do nothing, and then feel like nothing, too.
We all face hardships and have to figure out how to move forward. We have to do the next right thing, and also figure out new goals and sometimes a whole new outlook on life. This is not easy, and you shouldn’t do it alone. As Brene Brown might argue, you have to have compassion (including self-compassion), courage, AND connection. My best friend has gotten text messages that, when read by anyone else, would be cause for alarm (listen, I am who I am), but because she knows and loves me, she patiently responds to my crazy with compassion, and that allows me to grieve and then quickly find my courage again.
If you, too, are going through a time of disappointment and uncomfortable change, I hope that you will find the resilience you need and remember what a badass you are.
From one UNBREAKABLE woman to another, you got this.