I have always been afraid of the dark.
Not in a “there are monsters under my bed” way (well, maybe when I was a child and we grew up living next to a cemetery and Michael Jackson’s Thriller video instilled a fear of zombies in me), but fearful of all I cannot see or know.
As I finish a PhD in English, I find myself constantly worried about the darkness after I graduate. Despite many applications to various positions in a myriad of fields (if the job description had the words “communicate,” “read,” and/or “research,” I applied), I have yet to receive a single offer. From anyone.
As much as this hurts my pride, more than anything it taps into a deeply abiding fear of the unknown and all of the darkness that pervades it.
Side note: Others find this fear of the unknown exciting and invigorating. I’m trying to get to that place.
In my daily devotional today the writer focused on God as Light, and if God and Jesus are the Light in this world, what does it mean to walk in darkness? For me, walking in darkness means consistently turning away from my belief in God and the One He sent and, in truth, giving more attention and power to the world and it’s influence on my life rather than the One who created it.
I have no clue where God will ultimately lead me after the PhD, but this moment, on this morning, I choose to trust in Him and His provision. Most certainly I will have the manna (Exodus 16) I need for today, thanks to the God who loves me, so what have I to fear?