TIRED: On Being Beaten Down So You Can Finally Look Up

I’m tired.

My daughter has been sick and so have I, and I’m exhausted from the mutual lack of sleep and strain of having an ill three-year-old whose treatment of inhaled steroids only increases her emotional instability.

But it’s more than that.

I’m tired of worrying about:

  1. My body (size, shape, stubbornness)
  2. If people like me
  3. If the right people like me
  4. If people are mad at me
  5. If people will hurt me
  6. My bank account
  7. My future bank account
  8. The prestige of my work
  9. Am I doing enough outside of work?
  10. Is it okay to say no?
  11. Is it okay to say yes?
  12. Is it okay to say maybe?
  13. Is it okay to cancel?
  14. Should I get whipped cream on that?
  15. Will that mistake I made in the past haunt me forever?
  16. Should I fight harder?
  17. Should I let it go?
  18. Will I regret this?
  19. Will my family be hurt by this?
  20. How can I avoid pain of any kind?

These thoughts–all of them–run through my mind (seemingly) uncontrollably every day. And I am left  confused, lost, and frustrated.

And tired.

So today I am giving it all over to God. The questions , the concerns, the uncertainties: all of it is His. Today I stop trying to answer all of life’s questions on my own, fearing that if I don’t do it or figure it out, the sky will fall.

He knows best. I know nothing (or worse, I know all the wrong answers).

I’m standing now, and waiting for Him to show me how to take the next step.

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3 Replies to “TIRED: On Being Beaten Down So You Can Finally Look Up”

  1. During one of the hardest times of my life, I was cornered and put in a position where I had to face God or parish with all of the weight of life. Things such as what you experience, or any other person. There was a lot of uncertainty, would I live, what would happen to my son, will my wife be OK. When I gave it to Jesus that weight was lifted. Even though I was stuck in a hospital room, I barely had strength to get around, I couldn’t leave the floor, I was free. I felt more free then than at any point in my life.

    Proverbs 3:5 “Trust in the LORD with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding.”

    Like

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