My daughter has been sick and so have I, and I’m exhausted from the mutual lack of sleep and strain of having an ill three-year-old whose treatment of inhaled steroids only increases her emotional instability.
But it’s more than that.
I’m tired of worrying about:
- My body (size, shape, stubbornness)
- If people like me
- If the right people like me
- If people are mad at me
- If people will hurt me
- My bank account
- My future bank account
- The prestige of my work
- Am I doing enough outside of work?
- Is it okay to say no?
- Is it okay to say yes?
- Is it okay to say maybe?
- Is it okay to cancel?
- Should I get whipped cream on that?
- Will that mistake I made in the past haunt me forever?
- Should I fight harder?
- Should I let it go?
- Will I regret this?
- Will my family be hurt by this?
- How can I avoid pain of any kind?
These thoughts–all of them–run through my mind (seemingly) uncontrollably every day. And I am left confused, lost, and frustrated.
So today I am giving it all over to God. The questions , the concerns, the uncertainties: all of it is His. Today I stop trying to answer all of life’s questions on my own, fearing that if I don’t do it or figure it out, the sky will fall.
He knows best. I know nothing (or worse, I know all the wrong answers).
I’m standing now, and waiting for Him to show me how to take the next step.